Sunday, May 04, 2008

Unfortunate experiences.....bitter memories.....!!!!!



I was waiting at the station for my train to Mumbai. Since it was afternoon, the station was comparatively less crowded. I sat on an empty bench on the platform where my compartment was expected to halt. A group of guys-aged 13-18, expected to be hailing from not so well to do families were loitering around on the station. They stopped a few feet ahead of me.


As expected, the guys started off a discussion, each arguing on their bravery to molest/eve tease girls. The guys were discussing on how many gals they succeeded to molest/tease and to what extent had they tried to get physical with them. Every guy interrupted the other guy by saying…. “That’s it…that’s what you tried to do….come on…listen to my stunt and you would be flabbergasted”.
I heard many of their conversations which cannot be mentioned in details here, but believe me those incidents were really horrifying and I deeply pity the gals involved in it.

I still dared to sit on the bench, trying to avoid their gazes and hoping I would not be a part of their so called bravery. But, I was so wrong and how could I underestimate all of them. The guys slowly, (I guess it was a planned move), came near my bench and finally two of them sat besides me. This time I finally decided to get up and move. As soon as I got up one of those guys passed a lewd comment and snapped the other guy saying…. “See coz of you madam had to leave”….
Fortunately, I didn’t face much of embarrassment after that. I couldn’t act much or react rebelliously as they were 6 of them and I was comparatively on the weaker side to revolt back or give a bashing. A single person cant teach a group of men a lesson….come on I should have been a hindi film heroine to do so!!!!! And yeah.....here i did come across guys from the lower strata of the society but well educated,sophisticated men too commit such heinous crime..class and caste doesnt play much of a part here but the psychology of men does....


But on a serious note…. As the great thinker Weber’s Verstehen approach states….analyse things from the opposite person’s point of view….I suggest all the readers (especially GUYS) to think of the above experience from the gals point of view.
We hear many cases of girls being molested at railway stations, on the roads, bus stops etc….be it a private or a public place, every girl must have experienced this, to some extent. Imagine yourself being touched awkwardly in front of several people without your own will and without the freedom or the strength to retort back as per your wishes. I mentioned freedom and strength here because I don’t mean to say girls are weak( infact I will never say that) but certain circumstances are such that the girl has to stay calm and get herself harassed. Many might say…..come on that isn’t the case….but being a girl I have come across many girls who have shared such an experience be they thin or fat/ young or old enough to rebel.

Moreover, how badly shattered the girl feels when she goes through such an incident. The person molesting a girl does it for his satisfaction be it physical or mental and forgets the next moment, but the victim has to carry it on the whole life (and I really MEAN this statement.). Even a small incident keeps haunting the whole life giving a troubled feeling. The uneasy sensation of being touched by a stranger, as if being a public property with people around you just watching the incident and either laughing at the plight of the gal or showing fake empathy towards her.
The other day I heard a programme on the radio regarding the eve teasing issue, wherein men were asked to call and give their view points on the same (amazing concept here-guys being asked to participate on such a topic). One of the callers who was a frequent traveller on the Mumbai locals shared his story of being molested by a gay in the train. His statement was “ after that bad experience I really started respecting girls that even after being molested they tend to forget the bygones. This incident took place months ago but I still feel uneasy when I recall the experience. The situation was such that I couldn’t do much against the molestor….."

Guys, many such incidents might come to your mind after reading this article, either the ones you experienced or witnessed. Please give it a thought and try and act constructively whenever you come across such an incident….

33 comments:

Ilyas Kazi said...

I appreciate your point of view and understand the wrongs happens daily with females at public places.

I feel too pity for you all. I have been always decent with females and tried stopping men many times doing such things. But can't help more to much extent...

nefariousoutlook said...

really unfortunate that such incidents still take place in our society..i guess the society as a whole needs to step up and take some concrete steps to prevent the occurance of such incidents..i guess it is everybody's duty to speak up against such actions....again all this is easier said than done ..

Viraj said...

I understand what u wud hav gone thru in such a situation.

It seldom happens but I believe that if people around raise their voices in such circumstances then to a great extent situations like these can b avoided.

Gaurav said...

awesomeeee post....really well written...go for a press release of this post...seriously!!

Phani said...

I'm no spokesperson for men-kind, afterall one wouldn't like to pardon such goons for sure, but for what it's worth... sorry.

Raj said...

Hmmm... good post. But did ya notice one thing? Comments about your post are mostly from guys! Just an observation...! But yes, you can just change the name of the female in question here (in this case, you) and add any other females' name... Still the story remains the same.

amitsinha said...

nice 2 read on social issues, strong views but very relevant,also it gets back to my memories of Mumbai, the city I love so much , a North Indian turned Mumbaikar.

C R D said...

well what can i say? i cant say i feel pity..i think pity is meant only for the weak, and gals are definitely not weak.

trust me, u gals ought to fight back and be firm. it does make a difference, ive seen it. the reason some ppl take advantage is wen they know that their victims wont retaliate. u shud be firm.create a scene if u have to. atleast try and dont keep absolutely quiet

keep writin
chris
www.crissdude.blogspot.com

Rushit said...

awesomely said. good writing and nice way of presenting thoughts.

good luck for more writing.

reg
http://www.rushitshah.com

Pranay said...

being a guy, i feel ashamed of such incidents.. that how can people cross limits so blatantly and without a hint of guilt...
well.. brave girls like u can teach such guys a lesson.. keep it up..

Sreetama said...

Really bitter experience! It reminded me of the Jab We Met scene! But still u were encountered by so called LS guys. It's still understandable as those who can't make much from the society, tend to be deviant/ But I was molested by my uncle! And teased by various so called 'decent' people. many of them are middle aged. This is really disgusting!

aninda said...

i guess its our society to blame for such an attitude that many develop . real sad but true .

Impressionist said...

Im glad u shared it.
U said it all lady, I dont think anybody could have written it any better! :)

-I

Anonymous said...

I am really a bit feeling ashamed may be because I am a boy. Although I haven't done such nasty activity to any girl, but somehow being a boy I enjoyed it when someone else used to commit it.

Anyway, nice post indeed.

Anonymous said...

I am really a bit feeling ashamed may be because I am a boy. Although I haven't done such nasty activity to any girl, but somehow being a boy I enjoyed it when someone else used to commit it.

Anyway, nice post indeed.

NPR said...

Wao!!!
Well written about the very concerned social issue,keep up your good job!!!

BLITZKRIEG BABBLE said...

Well men r jus boys with silly toys...bt i reckon a real man is one who wud b responsible and sensitive enuf to analyze the consequences of his action bt bein the chauvinist species that we are we alwayz let the boy in us get the better of us.This sumtimes brings out the worst in us as in the incident that happend with ya.Bt on bhalf of my species "WE ARE SORRY"

priyaa iyer said...

You have mentioned a single person cant teach a group of men. This post is so good that they could learn how to behave...........

Nice work.........

Da Eternal Rebel said...

I donot feel pity .. but a seething anger at the general public which remains mute spectator while these horrific acts are being commited.
We are fault because its we who are not doing enough.

Anonymous said...

Well written on concerned social issue..U said it all..keep posting.

mtsandeep said...

good post . atleast some one is concerned about todays lifestyle.

you have a good design for your blog. but its hard to read red letters , why don't u use other colors

Abhinav Viswambharan said...

One of the strongest posts I have read in the recent times. Having been very close to my sister, I can understand how it would feel. As a guy, I do feel ashamed about such incidents.

MANICHE said...

brillant suggestn of using the reverse psychlgy for understandn a social issue which thgh is and should have been highly avoidable still breeds in our society.

Sushant said...

Your post brings out a very important question which deals with social coexistence. Molestation is any form is condemnable and it depicts how unfair we can be when we tend to have a sense of power over others. The problem is also compounded by men not able to come to terms with liberal and independent women. I am not sure but I think they some how consider that by subduing the women folks they can maintain their supremacy over the society. I guess with increase in the number of empowered women and them taking equal roles in society will surely mold the moral fabric of society and hopefully then we can have a just and equitable environment till then effective policing is the only solution.

Arjun said...

Well,wat else can i say but to say i'm ashamed....infact all r ashamed to have reached such a situation today...
If a girl is moving alone why is it that parents nd concerned ppl r so worried until they reach home....I personally get worried if ma sister is late to home...It feels a gr8 sense of relief once she reaches home,u know...

Really pity the situation...Can we do anything at all with such sex starved idiots....
ur posts really brings an insight into social problems and i really appreciate it....
keep writing...

Cheers..!!
Arjun

jeet said...

such cases are becoming more and more often. Even parting in cities have became scary for gal or couples.

Check my article at: http://www.bangalorebeats.com/bangaloreblog/index.php/how-safe-is-public-partying-during-festive-seasons-in-india/

Prats said...

Being a guy myself i really feel shameful abt such incidents...But only thing which can change such things are the ppl demselves and dere mindset........One can't feel the pain the oder person is going thru unless and until he faces the same problem.......
A single person do can change the current situation.......but can single handedly change the system over all

shekhar said...

Actually very brave of you to have posted that incident on the blog, given it involved you as a victim.
In fact, as someone has said before, go for getting it printed in the media ; people really need to read this.

Abhishek Ghosh said...

Its really a very disgusting act and you may be very angry on all guys but its true that all are not same and there are many who are against this thing...

I dont feel any pity fr the girls bcoz that may imply that they are weak which I personally dont want the girls to believe..What I feel is that the girls and the women shud unitedly and seriously think of getting united and give a complete bashing to all the eve teasers whenever they come across..

U may not know a girl being eve teased but u protest and this goes on and on..and finally u find urself that u r not the only one fighting..

Anonymous said...

I completely understand what you mean
Being a girl, I have the object of the lewd comments/molestation quite a few times...Most often than not , I have kept quiet... Mostly bcas they happen in crowded places and I have had no idea who it was.. Wish men would sensitize themselves to this issue!

Ronny said...

Hmmmm....Heres is where moral education comes into handy ...heavy bolly wood influence where guys teaseing a gal is fine prionciple r taken r corrupting youth all over ...it espcially happens when a gang is there ..take the same person out of group ....he behaves in respectable manner ,..,,,,within group ..they seem to lose their individuality n conform to group pressures .,,,,,

Naveen said...

js visited ur blog randomly..I really like the content n the way u hv expressed ur point f view...but i guess u hv kinda made a generalization abt it in ur mind as in i agree there are such elements in our society who hv no morals but dere are many too, who still respect women no matter what bullshit they talk abt dem while hvng conversation wth their mates (js to show dey r kool etc.)
For the former category i think nothing much can be done...im not being pessimistic here but i mean this category is gonna be there alwz... What we can do is empower the women in some ways and make strict laws(with practical implementation).I strongly feel that media can play a major role in this. Nevertheless in ur case i can undrstnd though the whole thing was embarrassing and sad for you but i am sure it wud have made u stronger for the future........
Keep writing!!

Abhishek Ghosh said...

I feel this kind of act can be stopped and that has to be done by the women themselves. Now the law is too strong on the girls side and with a complain against someone can make them land in great trouble. Girls have to find the way to fight this shameful acts becoz I too believe that they are not at all weak